\ 


JOHN  S.  HAMILTON 


c. 


THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 


The 
Young  Immigrunts 

RING  W.  LARDNER,  JR. 


WITH  A  PREFACE  BY 
THE  FATHER 


Portraits  by  Gaar  Williams 


INDIANAPOLIS 

THE  BOBBS-MERRILL  COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS 


COPYRIGHT  1920 
THE  CURTIS  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

COPYRIGHT  1920 
THE  BOBBS- MERRILL  COMPANY 


Printed  tn  the  United  States  of  America 


PRESS  or 

BRAUNWORTM    *    CO. 

BOOK   MANUFACTURER* 

BROOKLYN.    N.    Y. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

PREFACE  BY  THE  FATHER  .     .     .     .  ix 

1  MY  PARENTS 13 

2  STARTING  GAILY 19 

3  ERIE  LAKE 29 

4  BUFFALO  TO  ROCHESTER  76.4  ...  39 

5  MY  FATHER'S  IDEAR 44 

6  SYRACUSE  TO  HUDSON  183.2  ...  50 

7  HUDSON 63 

8  HUDSON  TO  YONKERS  106.5    ...  71 

9  THE  BUREAU  OF  MANHATTAN    .     .  76 

10  N.  Y.  TO  GRENITCH  500.0      ...  78 

11  How  IT  ENDED.                          .     .  82 


M753839 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

The  Author Frontispiece 

The  Rest  of  the  Family 15 

Granmother  at  Goshen 21 

Uncle  Bill 25 

Uncle  and  Ant  in  Detroit 31 

The  Bride  and  Glum 35 

The  Man  with  the  Adams  Apple    .      .      .41 

The  Dirty  Mechanic 47 

Dr.  and  Mrs.  Hey  wood 53 

The  Policeman  at  Albany 59 

A  Man  of  12  Years 65 

TheLanlady 69 

The  Policeman  at  New  Rochelle    ...  79 

Our  nurse                83 


PREFACE 

rPHE  person  whose  name  is  signed 
•••  to  this  novel  was  born  on  the 
nineteenth  day  of  August,  1915,  and 
was  therefore  four  years  and  three 
months  old  when  the  manuscript  was 
found,  late  in  November,  1919.  The 
narrative  is  substantially  true,  with 
the  following  exceptions: 

1.  "My  Father,"  the  leading  char 
acter  in  the  work,  is  depicted  as  a 
man  of  short  temper,  whereas  the 
person  from   whom   the    character 
was  drawn  is  in  reality  as  pleasant 
a  fellow  as  one  would  care  to  meet 
and  seldom  has  a  cross  word  for 
any  one,  let  alone  women  and  chil 
dren. 

2.  The  witty  speeches  accredited 

ix 


X  PREFACE 

to  "My  Father"  have,  possibly  owing 
to  the  limitations  of  a  child's  mem 
ory,  been  so  garbled  and  twisted 
that  they  do  not  look  half  so  good 
in  print  as  they  sounded  in  the  open 
air. 

3.  More  stops  for  gas  were  made 
than  are  mentioned  in  the  story. 

As  the  original  manuscript  was 
written  on  a  typewriter  with  a  rather 
frayed  ribbon,  and  as  certain  words 
were  marked  out  and  others  hand 
written  in,  I  have  taken  the  liberty 
of  copying  the  entire  work  with  a 
fresh  ribbon  and  the  inclusion  of  the 
changes  which  the  author  indicated 
in  pencil  in  the  first  draft.  Other 
wise  the  story  is  presented  to  the 
reader  exactly  as  it  was  first  set 
down.  THE  FATHER. 


THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 


The  Young  Immigrants 

CHAPTER  1 

My  Parents 

parents  are  both  married 
of  them  are  very  good 
looking.  The  balance  is  tall  and 
skiny  and  has  a  swarty  complex 
ion  with  moles  but  you  hardily  ever 
notice  them  on  account  of  your  gaze 
being  rapped  up  in  his  feet  which 
would  be  funny  if  brewity  wasnt  the 
soul  of  wit.  Everybody  says  I  have 
his  eyes  and  I  am  glad  it  didnt  half 
to  be  something  else  tho  Rollie  Zei- 
der  the  ball  player  calls  him  owl  eyes 
for  a  nick  name  but  if  I  was  Rollie 
13 


14  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

Zeider  and  his  nose  I  wouldnt  pick 
on  somebodys  else  features. 

He  wears  pretty  shirts  which  he 
bought  off  of  another  old  ball  player 
Artie  Hofman  to  attrack  tension  off 
of  his  feet  and  must  of  payed  a  big 
price  for  them  I  heard  my  ant  tell 
my  uncle  when  they  thorght  I  was 
a  sleep  down  to  the  lake  tho  I  guess 
he  pays  even  more  for  his  shoes  if 
they  sell  them  by  the  frunt  foot. 

I  was  born  in  a  hospittle  in  Chi 
cago  4  years  ago  and  liked  it  very 
much  and  had  no  idear  we  were  go 
ing  to  move  till  1  day  last  summer  I 
heard  my  mother  arsk  our  nurse  did 
she  think  she  could  get  along  0.  K 
with  myself  and  3  brothers  John 
Jimmie  and  David  for  10  days  wilst 
she  and  my  old  man  went  east  to 
look  for  a  costly  home. 


MY  PARENTS  17 

Well  yes  said  our  nurse  barshf ully. 

I  may  as  well  exclaim  to  the  reader 
that  John  is  7  and  Jimmie  is  5  and  I 
am  4  and  David  is  almost  nothing 
as  yet  you  might  say  and  tho  I  was 
named  for  my  father  they  call  me 
Bill  thank  God. 

The  conversation  amungst  my 
mother  and  our  nurse  took  place 
right  after  my  father  came  back 
from  Toledo  where  Jack  Dempsey 
knocked  Jessie  Willard  for  a  gool 
tho  my  father  liked  the  big  fellow 
and  bet  on  him. 

David  was  in  his  bath  at  the  time 
and  my  mother  and  our  nurse  and 
myself  and  2  elder  brothers  was 
standing  around  admireing  him  tho 
I  notice  that  when  the  rest  of  th§ 
family  takes  their  bath  they  dont 
make  open  house  of  the  occassion. 


18  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

Well  my  parents  went  east  and 
dureing  their  absents  myself  and 
brothers  razed  hell  with  David  on 
the  night  shift  but  when  they  come 
back  my  mother  said  to  the  nurse 
were  they  good  boys. 

Fine  replid  our  nurse  lamely  and 
where  are  you  going  to  live. 

Connecticut  said  my  mother. 

Our  nurse  forced  a  tired  smile. 

Here  we  will  leave  my  parents  to 
unpack  and  end  this  chapter. 


CHAPTER  2 

Starting  Gaily 

WE  spent  the  rest  of  the  summer 
on  my  granmother  in  Indiana 
and  my  father  finley  went  to  the 
worst  series  to  write  it  up  as  he  has 
followed  sports  of  all  sorts  for  years 
and  is  a  expert  so  he  bet  on  the  wite 
BOX  and  when  he  come  home  he  acted 
rarther  cross. 

Well  said  my  mother  simperingly 
I  suppose  we  can  start  east  now. 

We  will  start  east  when  we  get 
good  and  ready  said  my  father  with 
a  lordly  sneeze. 

The  next  thing  was  how  was  we 
going  to  make  the  trip  as  my  father 
had  boughten  a  new  car  that  the 
19 


20  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

cheepest  way  to  get  it  there  was 
drive  it  besides  carrying  a  grate 
deal  of  our  costly  bagage  but  if  all 
of  us  went  in  it  they  would  be  no 
room  left  for  our  costly  bagage  and 
besides  2  of  my  brothers  always  acts 
like  devils  incarnite  when  they  get 
in  a  car  so  my  mother  said  to  our 
nurse. 

If  you  think  you  can  manage  the 
2  older  boys  and  David  on  the  train 
myself  and  husband  will  take  Bill  in 
the  car  said  my  mother  to  our  nurse. 

Fine  replid  our  nurse  with  a  gast- 
ly  look  witch  my  mother  did  not  see. 

Myself  and  parents  left  Goshen 
Indiana  on  a  fine  Monday  morning 
leaveing  our  nurse  and  brothers  to 
come  latter  in  the  weak  on  the  rail 
way.  Our  plans  was  to  reach  Detroit 
that  night  and  stop  with  my  uncle 


STARTING  GAILY  23 

and  ant  and  the  next  evening  take 
the  boat  to  Buffalo  and  thence  to 
Connecticut  by  motor  so  the  first 
town  we  past  through  was  Middle- 
bury. 

Elmer  Flick  the  old  ball  player  use 
to  live  here  said  my  father  modestly. 

My  mother  forced  a  smile  and  soon 
we  were  acrost  the  Michigan  line 
and  my  mother  made  the  remark 
that  she  was  thirsty. 

We  will  stop  at  Coldwater  for 
lunch  said  my  father  with  a  strate 
face  as  he  pulls  most  of  his  lines 
without  changeing  expressions. 

Sure  enough  we  puled  up  to  1  side 
of  the  road  just  after  leaveing  Cold- 
water  and  had  our  costly  viands  of 
frid  chicken  and  doughnuts  and  milk 
fernished  by  my  grate  ant  and  ot 
witch  I  partook  freely. 


24  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

We  will  stop  at  Ypsilanti  for  sup 
per  said  my  father  in  calm  tones  that 
is  where  they  have  the  state  normal 
school. 

I  was  glad  to  hear  this  and  hoped 
we  would  get  there  before  dark  as 
I  had  always  wanted  to  come  in  con- 
tack  with  normal  peaple  and  see 
what  they  are  like  and  just  at  dusk 
we  entered  a  large  size  town  and 
drove  past  a  large  size  football  field. 

Heavens  said  my  mother  this  must 
be  a  abnormal  school  to  have  such  a 
large  football  field. 

My  father  wore  a  qeer  look. 

This  is  not  Ypsilanti  this  is  Ann 
Arbor  he  crid. 

But  I  thorght  you  said  we  would 
go  south  of  Ann  Arbor  and  direct  to 
Ypsilanti  said  my  mother  with  a 
smirk. 


STARTING  GAILY  27 

I  did  say  that  but  I  thorght  I  would 
surprise  you  by  comeing  into  Ann 
Arbor  replid  my  father  with  a  corse 
jesture. 

Personly  I  think  the  suprise  was 
unanimous. 

Well  now  we  are  here  said  my 
mother  we  might  as  well  look  up  Bill. 

Bill  is  my  uncle  Bill  so  we  stoped 
at  the  Alfa  Delt  house  and  got  him 
and  took  him  down  to  the  hotel  for 
supper  and  my  old  man  called  up  Mr. 
Yost  the  football  coach  of  the  Michi 
gan  football  team  and  he  come  down 
and  visited  with  us. 

What  kind  of  a  team  have  you  got 
coach  said  my  father  lamely. 

I  have  got  a  determined  team  re 
plid  Mr.  Yost  they  are  determined  to 
not  play  football. 

At  this  junction  my  unlucky  moth- 


28  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

er  changed  the  subjeck  to  the  league 
of  nations  and  it  was  10  o'clock  be 
fore  Mr.  Yost  come  to  a  semi  colon 
so  we  could  resume  our  jurney  and 
by  the  time  we  past  through  Ypsi- 
lanti  the  peaple  was  not  only  sub 
normal  but  unconsius.  It  was  nerly 
midnight  when  we  puled  up  in  frunt 
of  my  ants  and  uncles  house  in  De 
troit  that  had  been  seting  up  since  7 
expecting  us. 

Were  sorry  to  be  so  late  said  my 
mother  bruskly. 

Were  awfully  glad  you  could  come 
at  all  replid  my  ant  with  a  ill  con- 
sealed  yawn. 

We  will  now  leave  my  relitives  to 
get  some  sleep  and  end  this  chapter. 


CHAPTER  3 

Erie  Lake 

boat  leaves  Detroit  every 
•••  afternoon  at  5  oclock  and  reachs 
Buffalo  the  next  morning  at  9  tho  I 
would  better  exclaim  to  my  readers 
that  when  it  is  9  oclock  in  Buffalo 
it  is  only  8  oclock  in  Goshen  for  in 
stants  as  Buffalo  peaple  are  qeer. 

Well  said  my  father  the  next 
morning  at  brekfus  I  wander  what 
time  we  half  to  get  the  car  on  the 
board  of  the  boat. 

I  will  find  out  down  town  and  call 
up  and  let  you  know  replid  my  uncle 
who  is  a  engineer  and  digs  soors  or 
something. 

Sure  enough  he  called  up  dureing 

29 


30  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

the  fornoon  and  said  the  car  must 
be  on  the  board  of  the  boat  at  3 
oclock  so  my  father  left  the  house 
at  2  oclock  and  drove  down  to  the 
worf  tho  he  had  never  drove  a  car 
in  Detroit  before  but  has  nerves  of 
steal  Latter  my  uncle  come  out  to 
his  home  and  took  myself  and 
mother  and  ant  down  to  the  worf 
where  my  old  man  was  waiting  for 
us  haveing  put  the  car  on  the  board. 

What  have  you  been  doing  ever 
since  3  oclock  arsked  my  mother  as 
it  was  now  nerly  5, 

Haveing  a  high  ball  my  father 
replid. 

I  thorght  Detroit  was  dry  said 
my  mother  shyly. 

Did  you  said  my  father  with  a  rye 
smile  and  as  it  was  now  nerly  time 
for  the  boat  to  leave  we  said  good 


<p 


ERIE  LAKE  33 

by  to  my  uncle  and  ant  and  went  on 
the  boat.  A  messenger  took  our 
costly  bagage  and  put  it  away  wilst 
myself  and  parents  went  out  on  the 
porch  and  set  looking  at  the  peaple 
on  the  worf.  Suddenly  they  was  a 
grate  hub  bub  on  the  worf  and  a 
young  man  and  lady  started  up  the 
gangs  plank  wilst  a  big  crowd 
throwed  rice  and  old  shoes  at  them 
and  made  a  up  roar. 

Bride  and  glum  going  to  Niagara 
Falls  said  my  father  who  is  well 
travelled  and  seams  to  know  every 
thing. 

Instantly  the  boat  give  a  blarst  on 
the  wistle  and  I  started  with  su- 
prise. 

Did  that  scare  you  Bill  said  my 
father  and  seamed  to  enjoy  it  and  I 
supose  he  would  of  laughed  out  right 


34  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

had  I  fell  overboard  and  been 
drowned  in  the  narsty  river  water. 

Soon  we  were  steeming  up  the 
river  on  the  city  of  Detroit  3. 

That  is  Canada  over  there  is  it  not 
said  my  mother. 

What  did  you  think  it  was  the 
Austrian  Tyrol  replid  my  father 
explodeing  a  cough.  Dureing  our 
progress  up  the  river  I  noticed  sev- 
ral  funny  things  flotting  in  the  water 
with  lanterns  hanging  on  them  and 
was  wandering  what  they  could  be 
when  my  mother  said  they  seam  to 
have  plenty  of  boys. 

They  have  got  nothing  on  us  replid 
my  father  quick  as  a  flarsh. 

A  little  latter  who  should  come  out 
on  the  porch  and  set  themselfs  ner 
us  but  the  bride  and  glum. 

Oh  I  said  to  myself  I  hope  they 


ERIE  LAKE  S7 

will  talk  so  as  I  can  hear  them  as  I 
have  always  wandered  what  newly- 
weds  talk  about  on  their  way  to 
Niagara  Falls  and  soon  my  wishs 
was  realized. 

Some  night  said  the  young  glum 
are  you  warm  enough. 

I  am  perfectly  comfertible  replid 
the  fare  bride  tho  her  looks  belid  her 
words  what  time  do  we  arive  in 
Buffalo. 

9  oclock  said  the  lordly  glum  are 
you  warm  enough. 

I  am  perfectly  comfertible  replid 
the  fare  bride  what  time  do  we  arive 
in  Buffalo. 

9  oclock  said  the  lordly  glum  I  am 
afrade  it  is  too  cold  for  you  out  here. 

Well  maybe  it  is  replid  the  fare 
bride  and  without  farther  adieu  they 
went  in  the  spacius  parlers. 


38  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

I  wander  will  he  be  arsking  her  8 
years  from  now  is  she  warm  enough 
said  my  mother  with  a  faint  grimace. 

The  weather  may  change  before 
then  replid  my  father. 

Are  you  warm  enough  said  my 
father  after  a  slite  pause. 

No  was  my  mothers  catchy  reply. 

Well  said  my  father  we  arive  in 
Buffalo  at  9  oclock  and  with  that  we 
all  went  inside  as  it  was  now  pitch 
dark  and  had  our  supper  and  retired 
and  when  we  rose  the  next  morning 
and  drest  and  had  brekfus  we  puled 
up  to  the  worf  in  Buffalo  and  it  was 
9  oclock  so  I  will  leave  the  city  of 
Detroit  3  tide  to  the  worf  and  end 
this  chapter.  * 


CHAPTER  4 

Buffalo  to  Rochester  76.4 

A)  we  was  leaveing  the  boat  who 
should  I  see  right  along  side  of 
us  but  the  fare  bride  and  the  lordly 
glum. 

We  are  right  on  the  dot  said  the 
glum  looking  at  his  costly  watch  it 
is  just  9  oclock  and  so  they  past  out 
of  my  life. 

We  had  to  wait  qite  a  wile  wilst 
the  old  man  dug  up  his  bill  of  load 
ing  and  got  the  costly  moter. 

We  will  half  to  get  some  gas  he 
said  I  wonder  where  they  is  a  garage. 

No  sooner  had  the  words  fell  from 
his  lips  when  a  man  with  a  flagrant 

39 


40  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

Adams  apple  handed  him  a  card  with 
the  name  of  a  garage  on  it. 

Go  up  Genesee  st  5  blks  and  turn 
to  the  left  or  something  said  the 
man  with  the  apple. 

Soon  we  reached  the  garage  and 
had  the  gas  tank  filled  with  gas  it 
was  27  cents  in  Buffalo  and  soon  we 
was  on  our  way  to  Rochester.  Well 
these  are  certainly  grate  roads  said 
my  father  barshfully. 

They  have  lots  better  roads  in  the 
east  than  out  west  replid  my  mother 
with  a  knowing  wink. 

The  roads  all  through  the  east  are 
better  than  out  west  remarked  my 
father  at  lenth. 

These  are  wonderfull  replid  my 
mother  smuggleing  me  vs  her  arm. 

The  time  past  quickly  with  my  par 
ents  in  so  jocular  a  mood  and  all 


BUFFALO  TO  ROCHESTER  76.4          43 

most  before  I  knew  it  we  was  on  the 
outer  skirts  of  Batavia. 

What  town  is  this  quired  my 
mother  in  a  tolerant  voice. 

Batavia  husked  my  father  slough 
ing  down  to  15  miles  per  hour. 

Well  maybe  we  would  better  stop 
and  have  lunch  here  said  my  mother 
coyly. 

We  will  have  lunch  in  Rochester 
replid  my  father  with  a  loud  cough. 

My  mother  forced  a  smile  and  it 
was  about  £  past  12  when  we 
arived  in  Rochester  and  soon  we  was 
on  Genesee  st  and  finley  stoped  in 
front  of  a  elegant  hotel  and  shared 
a  costly  lunch. 


CHAPTER  5 

My  Father's  Idear 

V\7ILST    participateing    in    the 
*  *  lordly  viands  my  father  hailed 
out  his  map  and  give  it  the  up  and 
down. 

Look  at  here  he  said  at  lenth  they 
seams  to  be  a  choice  of  2  main  roads 
between  here  and  Syracuse  but  1  of 
them  gos  way  up  north  to  Oswego 
wilst  the  other  gos  way  south  to 
Geneva  where  as  Syracuse  is  strate 
east  from  here  you  might  say  so  it 
looks  to  me  like  we  would  save  both 
millage  and  time  if  we  was  to  drive 
strate  east  through  Lyons  the  way 
the  railway  gos. 

44 


MY  FATHER'S  IDEAR  45 

Well  I  dont  want  to  ride  on  the  ties 
said  my  mother  with  a  loud  cough. 

Well  you  dont  half  to  because  they 
seams  to  be  a  little  road  that  gos 
strate  through  replid  my  father  re- 
moveing  a  flys  cadaver  from  the 
costly  farina. 

Well  you  would  better  stick  to  the 
main  roads  said  my  mother  tack- 
lessly. 

Well  you  would  better  stick  to 
your  own  business  replid  my  father 
with  a  pungent  glance. 

Soon  my  father  had  payed  the 
check  and  gave  the  waiter  a  lordly 
bribe  and  once  more  we  sprang  into 
the  machine  and  was  on  our  way. 
The  lease  said  about  the  results  of 
my  fathers  grate  idear  the  soonest 
mended  in  a  word  it  turned  out  to 
be  a  holycost  of  the  first  water  as 


46  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

after  we  had  covered  miles  and  miles 
of  ribald  roads  we  suddenly  come  to 
a  abrupt  conclusion  vs  the  side  of  a 
stagnant  freight  train  that  was 
stone  deef  to  honks.  My  father  set 
there  for  nerly  \  a  hour  reciteing  the 
4  Horses  of  the  Apoplex  in  a  under 
tone  but  finley  my  mother  mustard 
up  her  curage  and  said  affectedly 
why  dont  we  turn  around  and  go 
back  somewheres.  I  cant  spell  what 
my  father  replid. 

At  lenth  my  old  man  decided  that 
Lyons  wouldnt  never  come  to  Ma 
homet  if  we  set  it  out  on  the  same 
lines  all  winter  so  we  backed  up  and 
turned  around  and  retraced  4  miles 
of  shell  holes  and  finley  reached  our 
objective  by  way  of  Detour. 

Puling  up  in  front  of  a  garage  my 
father  beckoned  to  a  dirty  mechanic. 

How  do  we  get  to  Syracuse  from 


MY  FATHER'S  IDEAR  49 

> 

here  arsked  my  father  blushing  furi 
ously. 

Go  strate  south  to  Geneva  and 
then  east  to  Syracuse  replid  the 
dirty  mechanic  with  a  loud  cough. 

Isnt  there  no  short  cut  arsked  my 
father. 

Go  strate  south  to  Geneva  and 
then  east  to  Syracuse  replid  the  dirty 
mechanic. 

You  see  daddy  we  go  to  Geneva 
after  all  I  said  brokenly  but  luckly 
for  my  piece  of  mind  my  father  dont 
beleive  in  corporeal  punishment  a 
specially  in  front  of  Lyons  peaple. 

Soon  we  was  on  a  fine  road  and 
nothing  more  hapened  till  we  puled 
into  Syracuse  at  7  that  evening  and 
as  for  the  conversation  that  changed 
hands  in  the  car  between  Lyons  and 
Syracuse  you  could  stick  it  in  a  day 
message  and  send  it  for  30  cents. 


CHAPTER  6 

Syracuse  to  Hudson  183.2 

OOON  we  was  on  Genesee  st  in 
^  Syracuse  but  soon  turned  off  a 
blk  or  2  and  puled  up  in  front  of  a 
hotel  that  I  cant  ether  spell  or  pro 
nounce  besides  witch  they  must  of 
been  a  convention  of  cheese  sculpters 
or  something  stoping  there  and  any 
way  it  took  the  old  man  a  hour  to 
weedle  a  parler  bed  room  and  bath 
out  of  the  clerk  and  put  up  a  cot 
for  me. 

Wilst  we  was  enjoying  a  late  and 
futile  supper  in  the  hotel  dinning 
room  a  man  named  Duffy  reckonized 
my  father  and  came  to  our  table  and 

50 


SYRACUSE  TO  HUDSON  183.2  51 

arsked  him  to  go  to  some  boxing 
matchs  in  Syracuse  that  night. 

Thanks  very  much  said  my  father 
with  a  slite  sneeze  but  you  see  what 
I  have  got  on  my  hands  besides  witch 
I  have  been  driveing  all  day  and  half 
to  start  out  again  erly  in  the  morn 
ing  so  I  guess  not. 

Between  you  and  I  dear  reader 
my  old  man  has  been  oposed  to  pugi 
lisms  since  the  4  of  July  holycost. 

Who  is  that  man  arsked  my  moth 
er  when  that  man  had  gone  away. 

Mr.  Duffy  replid  my  father  shove 
the  ketchup  over  this  way. 

Yes  I  know  he  is  Mr.  Duffy  but 
where  did  you  meet  him  insisted  my 
mother  quaintly. 

In  Boston  my  father  replid  where 
would  a  person  meet  a  man  named 
Duffy. 


52  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

When  we  got  up  the  next  morning 
it  was  6  o'clock  and  purring  rain  but 
we  eat  a  costly  brekfus  and  my 
father  said  we  would  save  time  if  we 
would  all  walk  down  to  the  garage 
where  he  had  horded  the  car  witch 
he  stated  was  only  2  short  blks  away 
from  the  hotel.  Well  if  it  was  only 
2  short  blks  why  peaple  that  lives 
next  door  to  each  other  in  Syracuse 
are  by  no  means  neighbors  and  when 
we  got  there  the  entire  party  was 
soping  wet  and  rarther  rabid. 

We  will  all  catch  our  death  of  cold 
chuckled  my  mother. 

What  of  it  explained  my  old  man 
with  a  dirty  look  at  the  sky. 

Maybe  we  would  better  put  up  the 
curtains  sugested  my  mother  smirk 
ing. 

Maybe  we  wouldnt  too  said  my 
father  cordialy. 


SYRACUSE  TO  HUDSON  183.2  55 

Well  maybe  it  will  clear  up  said 
my  mother  convulsively. 

Maybe  it  wont  too  replid  my 
father  as  he  capered  into  the  drivers 
seat. 

My  father  is  charming  company 
wilst  driveing  on  strange  roads 
through  a  purring  rain  and  even 
when  we  past  through  Oneida  and 
he  pronounced  it  like  it  was  a  biscuit 
neither  myself  or  my  mother  ven 
tured  to  correct  him  but  finley  we 
reached  Utica  when  we  got  to  witch 
we  pulpd  up  along  side  the  kerb  and 
got  out  and  rang  ourselfs  out  to  a 
small  extent  when  suddenly  a  closed 
car  sored  past  us  on  the  left. 

Why  that  was  Mrs.  Heywood  in 
that  car  explained  my  mother  with 
a  fierce  jesture.  By  this  time  it  was 
not  raining  and  we  got  back  into  the 


56  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGBUNTS 

car  and  presently  over  took  the 
closed  car  witch  stoped  when  they 
reckonized  us. 

And  witch  boy  is  this  quired  Mrs. 
Heywood  when  the  usual  compli 
ments  had  been  changed. 

This  is  the  third  he  is  named  for 
his  father  replid  my  mother  force- 
ing  a  smile. 

He  has  his  eyes  was  the  comment. 

Bill  dont  you  remember  Mrs.  Hey 
wood  said  my  mother  turning  on  me 
she  use  to  live  in  Riverside  and  Dr. 
Heywood  tended  to  you  that  time 
you  had  that  slite  atack  of  obesity. 

Well  yes  I  replid  with  a  slite  ac 
cent  but  did  not  add  how  rotten  the 
medicine  tasted  that  time  and  soon 
we  was  on  Genesee  st  on  our  way 
out  of  Utica. 

I  wander  why  they  dont  name 


SYRACUSE  TO  HUDSON  183.2  57 

some  of  their  sts  Genesee  in  these 
eastren  towns  said  my  father  for  the 
sun  was  now  shining  but  no  sooner 
had  we  reached  Herkimer  when  the 
clouds  bersed  with  renude  vigger 
and  I  think  my  old  man  was  about 
to  say  we  will  stop  here  and  have 
lunch  when  my  mother  sugested  it 
herself. 

No  replid  my  father  with  a  corse 
jesture  we  will  go  on  to  Little  Falls. 

It  was  raining  cats  and  dogs  when 
we  arived  at  Little  Falls  and  my 
father  droped  a  quaint  remark. 

If  Falls  is  a  verb  he  said  the  man 
that  baptized  this  town  was  a  prac- 
ticle  joker. 

We  will  half  to  change  our  close 
replid  my  mother  steping  into  a  mud 
peddle  in  front  of  the  hotel  with  a 
informal  look. 


58  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

When  we  had  done  so  we  partook 
of  a  meger  lunch  and  as  it  was  now 
only  drooling  resumed  our  jurney. 

They  soked  me  5  for  that  room 
said  my  father  but  what  is  a  extra 
sokeing  or  2  on  a  day  like  this. 

I  didnt  mean  for  you  to  get  a  room 
said  my  mother  violently. 

Where  did  you  want  us  to  change 
our  close  on  the  register  said  my  old 
man  turning  pail. 

Wasnt  it  funny  that  we  should 
happen  to  see  Mrs.  Heywood  in 
Utica  said  my  mother  at  lenth. 

They  live  there  dont  they  my 
father  replid. 

Why  yes  my  mother  replid. 

Well  then  my  father  replid  the 
real  joke  would  of  been  if  we  had  of 
happened  to  see  her  in  Auburn. 

A  little  wile  latter  we  past  a  grate 


<p 


SYRACUSE  TO  HUDSON  183.2  61 

many  signs  reading  dine  at  the  Big 
Nose  Mountain  Inn. 

Rollie  Zeider  never  told  me  they 
had  named  a  mountain  after  him  crid 
my  father  and  soon  we  past  through 
Fonda. 

Soon  we  past  through  Amsterdam 
and  I  guess  I  must  of  dosed  off  at 
lease  I  cant  remember  anything  be 
tween  there  and  Schenectady  and  I 
must  apologize  to  my  readers  for 
my  laps  as  I  am  unable  to  ether  de 
scribe  the  scenery  or  report  anything 
that  may  of  been  said  between  these 
2  points  but  I  recall  that  as  we  en 
tered  Albany  a  remark  was  adrest 
to  me  for  the  first  time  since  lunch. 

Bill  said  my  mother  with  a  \  smirk 
this  is  Albany  the  capital  of  New 
York  state. 

So  this  is  Albany  I  thorght  to  my 
self. 


62  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

Who  is  governer  of  New  York  now 
arsked  my  mother  to  my  father. 

Smith  replid  my  father  who  seams 
to  know  everything. 

Queer  name  said  my  mother 
sulkily. 

Soon  we  puled  up  along  side  a 
policeman  who  my  father  arsked 
how  do  we  get  acrost  the  river  to 
the  New  York  road  and  if  Albany 
pays  their  policemans  by  the  word 
111  say  we  were  in  the  presents  of  a 
rich  man  and  by  the  time  he  got 
through  it  was  dark  and  still  drool 
ing  and  my  old  man  didnt  know  the 
road  and  under  those  conditions  I 
will  not  repete  the  conversation  that 
transpired  between  Albany  and  Hud 
son  but  will  end  my  chapter  at  the 
city  limits  of  the  last  named  settle- 
munt. 


CHAPTER  7 

Hudson 

T  T  7E  were  turing  gaily  down  the 

*  *  main  st  of  Hudson  when  a  man 
of  12  years  capered  out  from  the 
side  walk  and  hoped  on  the  runing 
board 

Do  you  want  a  good  garage  he 
arsked  with  a  dirty  look. 

Why  yes  my  good  man  replid  my 
father  tenderly  but  first  where  is  the 
best  hotel. 

I  will  take  you  there  said  the  man. 

I  must  be  a  grate  favorite  in  Hud 
son  my  father  wispered  at  my 
mother. 

Soon  foiling  the  mans  directions 

63 


64  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

we  puled  up  in  front  of  a  hotel  but 
when  my  father  went  at  the  register 
the  clerk  said  I  am  full  tonight. 

Where  do  you  get  it  around  here 
arsked  my  father  tenderly. 

We  have  no  rooms  replid  the  senile 
clerk  paying  no  tension  to  my  old 
mans  remark  but  there  is  a  woman 
acrost  the  st  that  takes  loggers. 

Not  to  excess  I  hope  replid  my 
father  but  soon  we  went  acrost  the 
st  and  the  woman  agrede  to  hord 
us  for  the  night  so  myself  and  moth 
er  went  to  our  apartmunts  wilst  my 
father  and  the  12  year  old  besought 
the  garage.  When  we  finley  got  re 
united  and  went  back  to  the  hotel 
for  supper  it  was  past  8  oclock  as 
a  person  could  of  told  from  the 
viands.  Latter  in  front  of  our  log 
gings  we  again  met  the  young  man 


HUDSON  67 

who  had  welcomed  us  to  Hudson  and 
called  my  father  to  1  side. 

There  is  a  sailer  going  to  spend 
the  night  here  he  said  in  a  horse 
wisper  witch  has  walked  all  the  way 
from  his  home  Schenectady  and  he 
has  got  to  report  on  his  ship  in  New 
York  tomorrow  afternoon  and  has 
got  no  money  so  if  he  dont  get  a  free 
ride  he  will  be  up  vs  it 

He  can  ride  with  us  replid  my 
father  with  a  hiccup  if  tomorrow  is 
anything  like  today  a  sailer  will  not 
feel  out  of  place  in  my  costly  moter. 

I  will  tell  him  replid  the  man  with 
a  corse  jesture. 

Will  you  call  us  at  \  past  5  my 
mother  reqested  to  our  lanlady  as 
we  entered  our  Hudson  barracks. 

I  will  if  I  am  awake  she  replid  use- 
ing  her  handkerchief  to  some  extent. 


68  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

Latter  we  wandered  how  anybody 
could  help  from  being  awake  in  that 
hot  bed  of  mones  and  grones  and  cat 
calls  and  caterwauls  and  gulish 
screaks  of  all  kinds  and  tho  we  had 
rose  erly  at  Syracuse  and  had  a  day 
of  retchedness  we  was  all  more  than 
ready  to  get  up  when  she  wraped  on 
our  door  long  ere  day  brake. 

Where  is  that  sailer  that  stoped 
here  last  night  quired  my  father  as 
we  was  about  to  make  a  lordly  out 
burst. 

He  wouldnt  pay  his  bill  and  razed 
hell  so  I  kicked  him  out  replid  the 
lanlady  in  her  bear  feet. 

Without  farther  adieu  my  father 
payed  his  bill  and  we  walked  into  the 
dismul  st  so  I  will  end  this  chapter 
by  leaveing  the  fare  lanlady  flaping 
in  the  door  way  in  her  sredded  night 
gown. 


CHAPTER  8 

Hudson  to  Yonkers  106.5 

T  T  was  raining  a  little  so  my  father 
-^  bad  my  mother  and  I  stand  in  the 
st  wilst  he  went  to  the  garage  and 
retained  the  costly  moter.  He  re 
turned  |  a  hour  latter  with  the  story 
that  the  garage  had  been  locked  and 
he  had  to  go  to  the  props  house  and 
roust  him  out. 

How  did  you  know  where  he  lived 
quired  my  mother  barshfully. 

I  used  the  brains  god  gave  me 
was  my  fathers  posthumous  reply. 

Soon  we  rumpled  into  Rhinebeck 

and  as  it  was  now  day  light  and  the 

rain  had  siezed  we  puled  up  in  front 

of  the  Beekman  arms  for  brekfus.    « 

71 


72  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

It  says  this  is  the  oldest  hotel  in 
America  said  my  mother  reading  the 
programme. 

The  eggs  tastes  all  right  replid  my 
father  with  a  corse  jesture. 

What  is  the  next  town  quired  my 
mother  when  we  again  set  sale. 

Pokippsie  was  my  fathers  reply. 

Thats  where  Vassar  is  said  my 
mother  as  my  old  man  stiffled  a  yawn 
I  wonder  if  there  is  a  store  there  that 
would  have  a  koop  for  David. 

I  doubt  it  they  ever  heard  of  him 
said  my  father  dryly  how  much  do 
they  cost. 

Well  I  dont  know. 

We  entered  Pokippsie  at  lenth 
and  turned  to  the  left  up  the  main 
st  and  puled  up  in  front  of  a  big  store 
where  myself  and  mother  went  in 
and  purchased  a  koop  for  my  little 


HUDSON  TO  YONKERS  106.5  73 

brother  and  a  kap  for  me  witch  only 
took  a  i  hour  dureing  witch  my 
father  lost  his  temper  and  when  we 
finley  immerged  he  was  barking  like 
a  dog  and  giveing  the  Vassar  yell.  2 
men  come  out  of  the  store  with  us 
and  tost  the  koop  with  the  rest  of 
the  junk  in  the  back  seat  and  away 
we  went. 

Doesnt  this  look  cute  on  him  said 
my  mother  in  regards  to  my  new 
kap. 

What  of  it  replid  my  father  with 
a  grimace  and  with  that  we  puled 
into  Garrison. 

Isnt  this  right  acrost  the  river 
from  West  Point  said  my  mother 
with  a  gastly  look. 

What  of  it  replid  my  father  ten 
derly  and  soon  we  found  ourselfs  in 
Peekskill. 


74  THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 

This  is  where  that  young  girl 
cousin  of  mine  gos  to  school  said  my 
father  from  Philadelphia. 

What  of  it  said  my  mother  with  a 
loud  cough  and  presently  we  stoped 
and  bought  15  gals  of  gas. 

I  have  got  a  fund  of  usefull  infor 
mation  about  every  town  we  come  to 
said  my  father  admireingly  for  in 
stants  this  is  Harmon  where  they 
take  off  the  steem  engines  and  put 
on  the  electric  bullgines. 

My  mother  looked  at  him  with  ill 
consealed  admiration. 

And  what  do  you  know  about  this 
town  she  arsked  as  we  frisked  into 
Ossining. 

Why  this  is  Ossining  where  they 
take  off  the  hair  and  put  on  the 
stripes  replid  my  father  qick  as  a 
flarsh  and  the  next  place  is  Tarry- 


HUDSON  TO  YONKERS  106.5  75 

town  where  John  D.  Rockefeller  has 
a  estate. 

What  is  the  name  of  the  estate 
quired  my  mother  breathlessly. 

Socony  I  supose  was  the  sires 
reply. 

With  that  we  honked  into  Yonkers 
and  up  the  funny  looking  main  st 

What  a  funny  looking  st  said  my 
mother  and  I  always  thorght  it  was 
the  home  of  well  to  do  peaple. 

Well  yes  replid  my  father  it  is  the 
home  of  the  ruling  class  at  lease  Bill 
Klem  the  umpire  and  Bill  Langf ord 
the  referee  lives  here. 

I  will  end  my  chapter  on  that  one. 


CHAPTER  9 

The  Bureau  of  Manhattan 

TSNT  it  about  time  said  my  mother 
•*•  as  we  past  Spuyten  Duyvil  and 
entered  the  Bureau  of  Manhattan 
that  we  made  our  plans. 

What  plans  said  my  father  all  my 
plans  is  all  ready  made. 

Well  then  you  might  make  me  your 
confident  sugested  my  mother  with 
a  quaint  smirk. 

Well  then  heres  the  dope  uttered 
my  father  in  a  vage  tone  I  am  going 
to  drop  you  at  the  125  st  station 
where  you  will  only  half  to  wait  2 
hours  and  a  £  for  the  rest  of  the 
family  as  the  train  from  the  west  is 
do  at  350  at  125  st  in  the  meen  wile 
76 


THE  BUREAU  OF  MANHATTAN          77 

I  will  drive  out  to  Grenitch  with  Bill 
and  see  if  the  house  is  ready  and 
etc  and  if  the  other  peaples  train  is 
on  time  you  can  catch  the  4  4  and  I 
an  Bill  will  meet  you  at  the  Grenitch 
station. 

If  you  have  time  get  a  qt  of  milk 
for  David  said  my  mother  with  a  pail 
look. 

What  kind  of  milk  arsked  my  dad. 

Oh  sour  milk  my  mother  screened. 

As  she  was  now  in  a  pretty  bad 
temper  we  will  leave  her  to  cool  off 
for  2  hours  and  a  £  in  the  125  st  sta 
tion  and  end  this  chapter. 


CHAPTER  10 
N.  Y.  to  Grenitch  500.0 


lease  said  about  my  and  my 
••-  fathers  trip  from  the  Bureau  of 
Manhattan  to  our  new  home  the 
soonest  mended.  In  some  way  ether 
I  or  he  got  balled  up  on  the  grand 
concorpse  and  next  thing  you  know 
we  was  thretning  to  swoop  down  on 
Pittsfield. 

Are  you  lost  daddy  I  arsked  ten 
derly. 

Shut  up  he  explained. 

At  lenth  we  doubled  on  our 
tracks  and  done  much  better  as  we 
finley  hit  New  Rochelle  and  puled 
up  along  side  a  policeman  with  fall 
ing  archs. 

78 


N.  Y.  TO  GRENITCH  500.0  81 

What  road  do  I  take  for  Grenitch 
Conn  quired  my  father  with  poping 
eyes. 

Take  the  Boston  post  replid  the 
policeman. 

I  have  all  ready  subscribed  to  one 
out  of  town  paper  said  my  father 
and  steped  on  the  gas  so  we  will  leave 
the  flat  foot  gaping  after  us  like  a 
prune  fed  calf  and  end  this  chapter. 


CHAPTER  11 

How  It  Ended 

rPRUE  to  our  promise  we  were  at 

•*•  the  station  in  Grenitch  when  the 
costly  train  puled  in  from  125  st. 
Myself  and  father  hoped  out  of  the 
lordly  moter  and  helped  the  bulk  of 
the  famly  off  of  the  train  and  I  aloud 
our  nurse  and  my  3  brothers  to  kiss 
me  tho  Davids  left  me  rarther  moist. 

Did  you  have  a  hard  trip  my 
father  arsked  to  our  nurse  shyly. 

Why  no  she  replid  with  a  slite 
stager. 

She  did  too  said  my  mother  they 
all  acted  like  little  devils. 

Did  you  get  Davids  milk  she  said 
turning  on  my  father. 

82 


HOW  IT  ENDED  85 

Why  no  does  he  like  milk  my 
father  replid  with  a  gastly  smirk. 

We  got  lost  mudder  I  said  brok 
enly. 

We  did  not  screened  my  father  and 
accidently  cracked  me  in  the  shins 
with  a  stray  foot. 

To  change  the  subjeck  I  turned 
my  tensions  on  my  brother  Jimmie 
who  is  nerest  my  age. 

I've  seen  our  house  Jimmie  I  said 
brokenly  I  got  here  first. 

Yes  but  I  slept  all  night  on  a  train 
and  you  didnt  replid  Jimmie  with  a 
dirty  look. 

Nether  did  you  said  my  brother 
John  to  Jimmie  you  was  awake  all 
night. 

Were  awake  said  my  mother. 

Me  and  David  was  awake  all  night 
and  crid  said  my  brother  John. 


86 


THE  YOUNG  IMMIGRUNTS 


But  I  only  crid  once  the  whole  time 
said  my  brother  Jimmie. 

But  I  didnt  cry  at  all  did  1 1  arsked 
to  my  mother. 

So  she  replid  with  a  loud  cough 
Bill  was  a  very  very  good  boy. 

So  now  we  will  say  fare  well  to  the 
characters  in  this  book. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED  -> 

LOAN  DEPT. 

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Tr«oi    inn      O'CK                                         General  Library 
SlSSSSS'                                        University  of  California 
(B139s22)47b                                                                Rprkelev 

YB  73830 


